Alchemist Insanity
by Bri Nara
Summary: Random short stories of two people annoying characters from Fullmetal Alchemist. Enjoy!
1. Homunculus are easy to bother

**Human Homunculus Production**

_My first fanfic that isn't Naruto, OMG! O.o These are a bunch of little ways to annoy the Fullmetal Alchemist characters that are based off little comics I drew up. Since each of them are too short to make into an actual chappie, it's all squished together (Until it hits five mini-stories)! Enjoy!_

_**Envy's hair-style**_

Envy was walking around, wondering what to do with the little brown-haired homunculus that had been following him all day. She was getting on his last nerve, and what she kept calling him didn't help.

"Palm-Tree-kun. Palm-Tree-kun. Palm-Tree-kun. Palm-Tree-kun..."

He turned around and yelled in her face. "For the last time I'M NOT A FREAKIN' PALM TREE!!!" He could tell he had fire in his eyes, and an invisible fire behind him.

She stared at him with wide eyes. "OK."

Envy sighed as he continued walking. _Finally, _he thought.

"Talking Palm-Tree kun!!!" the girl randomly blurted out.

Envy started crying on the inside. "If only I were Wrath," he muttered to himself, "then I'd have an excuse."

_**Cat-fight with Lust**_

Lust was minding her own business until a random brown-haired girl pushed a woman from another anime in front of her. The Anime-woman had blonde hair, and big breasts. (Tsunade. XP)

They glared at each other. It was 'Hate at First Sight.'

"Let the cat-fight commence!" the brown-haired girl yelled out as she got out some popcorn out of nowhere.

Five minutes later...

There were nails and biting and scratching and yelling and slapping. By far, the best girl vs girl fight in the history of anime.

The brown-haired girl was holding a camera, recording the whole mess.

So far: A chair, a house, a random guy, and Lust's boot was thrown in the confusion.

And there were two red piles not far from the girl. One of them was what remained of Edward Elric after he tried to break up the fight. Another was what remained of Jiraiya the Toad Sage, after he got caught by the brown-haired girl for not paying a ticket to see the fight.

_**Teasing Gluttony is easy**_

Gluttony was sitting besides a random building. Then he sniffed the air.

"I smell food."

There was an apple, floating above Gluttony's head, on a string. Gluttony got up and reached for the apple, but it floated just out of reach.

"Me want. Me want. Me want."

The brown haired girl was sitting on the building with a fishing pole. "Sorry 'bout this, Gluttony!"

_**But you wanted it, Greed**_

Greed (I mean the Ling-Greed, not the first Greed) was with the brown-haired homunculus girl. Envy didn't bother to warn him because he wanted to see how mad he would get.

"Hey, Greed," the girl said. "You want _everything _right?"

There was a gleam in his eyes. "Yes, because I'm greedy."

Five seconds later...

The brown haired girl was running away from a furious homunculus narrow-eyed Xingnese guy waving around a pointy sword.

"Come here!!!"

"But, Ling, I thought you _wanted _me to slap you!"

They ran past a silver-haired homunculus boy, who started laughing.

_**Pride doesn't get to go on roller coasters  
**_

Pride, even if he was scary, always wanted to go on a roller coaster. But when he went, the was a silver-haired homunculus leading against a "You must be this tall" sign. Pride was too short.

So stood on his tip-toes, his hair barely made it to the line. But then the silver-haired homunculus picked up the sign so that Pride was just one inch too short.

"That's mean!!!"

**Hi peoples! =D This is Mischief! Bri, but in Fullmetal mode I'm Mischief.**

**Tragedy: And Tragedy.**

**And we're gonna annoy the alchemist! Why?**

**Tragedy: Because it's our job!**

**Right!**

**Both: Review!  
**


	2. Central Chaos

_And now... for the alchemist in Central! Yay! =D_

_**Easiest way to make Alphonse cry**_

The brown-haired homunculus girl (AKA. Mischief) was in Central, and her first target was Al. She smiled up at him and asked "You're the empty-armor kid, right?"

"Um... yeah."

She dramatically pointed a finger at him. "OMG, you're heartless!"

"What?!"

"You heartless monster! Do you kick kittens when you walk down a street?!" She randomly pulled out a kitty of out nowhere and cuddled it. "Can you even _feel _how soft and cuddly this kitty is?!"

Alphonse started crying, shouting "I'm sorry, kitty!!!" Then he ran away. "ED!!! I WANT MY HEART BACK!!!"

Mischief laughed out loud. And a silver-haired homunculus boy (Tragedy) came out of the shadows and laughed too.

"That was priceless!" Mischief shouted out. "You can have Ed, Tragedy."

_**Shorty**_

Tragedy found Edward on the street and thought, _This is gonna be easy._

"Hey, you. The golden-haired red ant."

Edward turned around and shout "_WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALLER THAN AN ANT?!_"

"Just you, little boy." Edward was fuming. "Wow, everyone was right, Fullmetal does get mad when you call him short. Is it also true that it's only because you don't drink this?" Tragedy magically pulled out a quart of milk.

"Shut up! That stuff tastes nasty! At least I didn't drink it so much that it made my hair white!"

That struck a nerve. "What the hell did you say about my hair, you midget?!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BEANSPROUT MIDGET, OLD MAN?!"

"THAT'S IT! FULLMETAL TWERP IS GOING DOWN!!!"

Then Mischief ran in and pulled Tragedy out of there. "No, Tragedy! You remember the last time you got in a fight!"

"I told you, the desert is _not _my fault!"

Mischief smiled at Edward and said "Bye Eddie." Then ran.

**_Wanna hear a song, Mustang?_**

Mischief and Tragedy set their next target to be Colonel Roy Mustang. But it was pretty hard for them to get into his office.

Mustang looked up to see two kids that were about Edward's age. "What do you want?"

"Do you wanna hear a song, Mustang?" the brown haired girl said as she grinned. Mustang noticed that she hid her right hand behind her back.

Before Mustang could react, they both started singing.

"This is the song that never ends.

Yes, it goes on and on, my friends.

Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was

And they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that never ends..."

"RIZA!!!"

Lt. Hawkeye ran into the room and started shooting like crazy.

"HEY! Hawkeye! Cut it out!" The bullets were bouncing off Mischief and flying all over the room. "If you don't stop shooting, this could get very messy!"

Mischief grabbed Tragedy, who remained unscratched, and ran out.

_**Armstrong + Elastic shirt = Messed up humor**_

Mischief had to do this job, which ticked her off. She had to prank Major Armstrong. She loved pranks, but to prank the Major was a different story.

"Hello Mr. Armstrong!" Mischief said in a fake-innocent voice. The Major looked down at her and smiled. But he did notice that she kept her right hand behind her back the whole time. "Can you put this on for me?" She held up a blue elastic shirt. "I want to see how it looks on you, sir."

"Why, of course!" Suddenly he was flexing his mountain-sized muscles in the elastic shirt.

Mischief stared. _How the hell does it even fit?! _"Um... never mind, I want to see you without it."

"No problem!" Then Armstrong started pulling on the elastic shirt, which snapped right back. "OW!"

Mischief grinned as she watched Armstrong continue pulling. "Elastic shirts... really hard to get off, aren't they?" Mischief walked away laughing as Armstrong hopelessly continued.

_**King Bradley can never win a staring contest**_

Bradley was glaring into the eyes of his fellow homunculus, Tragedy. Tragedy was just staring boredly back at him. Mischief was waiting for their everlasting staring contest to end.

"For the last time, give it up, Wrath." Mischief yawned. "You know Tragedy never loses."

"No, I _will _win this time, dammit." He flipped his eye patch to reveal his Ouroburos eye. "Now you can never beat me."

"Wrath, your other eye's closed." Mischief pointed out bluntly.

"NOOOOO!"

"I win the bet, _King Bradley._ Get the apple."

Bradley stood against the wall with the apple on his head. And a blindfold.

"Hey Selim! Wanna help me kill your daddy?!"

"Alright!" Selim Bradley popped out of nowhere with the bow and arrow.

**Hi peoples! XD**

**Armstrong: (Still trying to take the shirt off)**

**Armstrong, you need a pair of mega-scissors to get it off. -.-**

**Tragedy: (Still hasn't blinked yet.) Review.  
**


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